How often do you run into PPO’s?:
(Behaviours that Peeve People Off!)
Well it’s that time of the year when we’re all in a rush during the Silly Season and for some strange reason our manners seem to go out the window. So courtesy of Sue-Maree from h-spot Pty Ltd who helps people find their h-spot to be happier, healthier and more successful.
I often see people dishing out PPO’s. Sometimes other people are on the receiving end. Sometimes it’s me on the receiving end!
PPO’s create problems between people in just about every workplace and every home every day - creating stress, anxiety, ill-will, distrust, payback, retaliation - ouch!
So in the interests of better relationships - both personal and professional - let’s check out a list of the “Top 10 PPO’s”:
Top 10 PPO’s Behaviours that “Peeve People Off”!
At number 10:Taking priority over others.
No discussion, no agreement… people taking priority over others just because they want it, and can get away with it!
Number 9: Making assumptions about others.
People making assumptions based on limited (and often selective) information. Just as others don’t know the totality of what’s really going on with us, we don’t know the totality of what’s really going on with others!
Number 8: Jumping to conclusions about others.
Ditto. What applies to making assumptions also applies to jumping to conclusions. People jumping to conclusions based on limited (and often selective) information. Just as others don’t know the totality of what’s really going on with us, we don’t know the totality of what’s really going on with others!
Number 7: Forcing responsibilities on others.
No discussion, no agreement. People using whatever level of manipulation/deception/coercion/force it takes to get others to do what they want!
Number 6: Taking responsibilities from others
Again, no discussion, no agreement. People using whatever level of manipulation/deception/coercion/force it takes to “take over” others rightful responsibilities - with or without their knowledge.
Number 5: Setting limits and dictating rules… and imposing them on others.
No discussion and no agreement. People setting limits and dictating rules that work for them, then using whatever power they have to impose them on others.
Number 4: Making decisions… and imposing them on others.
Again, no discussion and no agreement. People making decisions based on what they think is “best” or “right” then using whatever power they have to force them on others.
Number 3: Demanding compliance and obedience from others.
People demanding others do what they want / need / think is “right”. As if their way is the right way, and other people’s wants and needs are less important than theirs. Again, no discussion and no agreement.
Number 2: Manipulating behaviour with rewards and/or punishments.
People rewarding and punishing others using whatever power they have to bestow or withhold based on their judgement of how well other people “measure up” to what they think is “right” or “acceptable”.
At Number 1 on our list of Top 10 PPO’s (drumroll please!) basically, what most PPO’s boil down to:
Number 1: Abuse of Power.
People using “power plays” to manipulate/deceive/coerce/force others to do what they want - at others expense!
“Hey! What’s going on??!!” It’s easy to see how behaviours like these PPO!
(”peeve” being a gross understatement in many situations!).
Your Champion Action Today:
3 questions to improve your communication skills (and your relationships!):
1. When (if ever) am I on the receiving end of PPO behaviours?
2. What do I typically do when I’m on the receiving end?
3. When (if ever) am I dishing out PPO behaviours? (Even without realizing it?)
Now here’s some ideas on how to respond…
CCC’s for PPO’s: Cool, Calm, Collected responses to behaviours that Peeve People Off!
Common defensive reactions to PPO’s result from taking it personally, and striking out (by attacking others) or sucking it up (as a way to protect ourselves).
Before we go getting hot under the collar about what people seem to be doing and use either of these strategies, here’s a suggestion:
Check It Out That means turning our attention to whatever it is people seem to be doing, and check it out. We do it by reflecting back to people what we think is happening - as a QUESTION (not an accusation!). For example;
Are you making assumptions about me/them?
You’re jumping to conclusions about me/them?
Are you trying to force your responsibilities on me/them?
You’re trying to manipulate me/them with rewards and punishments?
Get the idea?
If people claim not to be doing it, we can simply respond; No? Ok then. (and move on)
Whatever’s happening, to check it out is a simple 2-step process;
Use a question frame, for example;
**Are you …
**Are you trying to …
**You’re …
**You’re trying to …
Add whatever it is people seem to be doing;
…taking priority over me/them?
…making assumptions about me/them?
…jumping to conclusions about me/them?
…forcing your responsibilities on me/them?
…taking responsibilities from me/them?
…setting limits and dictating rules & imposing them on me/them?
…making decisions & imposing them on me/them?
…demanding compliance and obedience from me/them?
…manipulating my/their behaviour with rewards/punishments?
…abusing your power to get me/them to do what you want?
If people aren’t doing what you think they’re doing - it’s a good thing to have cleared the air … to have set the record straight.
If people are doing what you think they’re doing, this simple technique is often enough to stop the behaviour in it’s tracks. And if it doesn’t … there’s more about it in the book.
If you’d like to understand more about what’s going on in these situations, and what you can do to handle situations like these without striking out, or sucking it up. If you’d like to handle even the most difficult situations with respect for yourself and others - with class and style you can be proud of (and other people will admire) - it’s absolutely doable, in fact it’s easy… when you have the right skills.
In fact if you want to learn why people use PPO’s, how to communicate without using PPO’s, and how to deal with it when other people are using PPO’s on you! In short, “what hurts” and “what works” in communication…then email the Champion Mindset office@championmindset.com.au for your copy of “What’s Going On? An Exploration of Communication - What Hurts & What Works” complimentary copy by Sue-Maree.
and remember: if you don’t quit, you will make it.
Cheers Shelley Taylor-Smith
